Elonalopari

Oct 28, 2020

4 min read

Your Expectations Are Holding You Back!

Hello, everyone!

This week’s topic is an important one. A lot of times when I am coaching my clients, I notice that a bit of reframing of our expectations over different circumstances always helps them get past mental blocks that they might have over making any type of change in their lives. For example, from my personal experience in being in a long term relationship with my husband, there have been many hard times of growth in the different phases of life that we have gone through together. We have been together for over 20 years now. At the beginning, I always expected to have this perfect relationship where we never argued, he always did what I asked, and we would enjoy all the same things together. I thought we would be on the same page in many areas of our lives including where we would live, how to parent our kids, and the list goes on and on. I am sure that you get the point.

Of course, while this fantasy might have lasted in the first few years we were together, the more years that passed, the more our responsibilities increased, that’s where level setting expectations came to play. The lesson that I learned early on was that rather than expect everything to always be perfect, I should expect that there are going to be hard days and even periods of time in our relationship where things will be hard and we will be in different spaces.

Just telling myself “This is ok” helped me and the relationship to relieve so much of that unnecessary pressure that I was putting on us and our relationship. It helped me be more at peace in my life and to accept the present moment for what it was. When our reality does not meet our expectations, we have stress. There is this place between our reality and our idealization of reality and this gap is where disappointment and frustration lies. Take a look at your life and see where that gap is. Frustration means that something is happening that is outside of your control. Good rule of thumb to remember is that if the frustration is over someone else, it’s outside your control because you cannot change them.

Stop, take a step back, and ask, “What about this situation do I control?” Sometimes what you can control is your environment, especially with your parenting. For example, when I want my kids to eat healthy meals, I just don’t buy them snacks so I can limit the amount of snacks they consume. Instead, they can eat the healthy meals prepared. Just step back and have faith and put your trust in a higher power.

Tony Robbins says to trade expectations for appreciation, and that’s the key to your happiness. Rather than expect, just start to appreciate everything around you and the things you look at will change. During some of those difficult times with my relationship, something else that helped me shift my perspective is when I started appreciating all the things that my husband did rather than expect him to do all the things that I wanted him to do.

THE JUST SHOW UP METHOD:

This is a method I have created to instill a new habit in order to build on the success you are looking for in any area of your life.

Step 1: Decide “What” your outcome is. “Why is it important to you?”

Step 2: Take the next small logical step… then the next… then the next… then the next…

Change your approach as needed… keep going…until you get momentum. Appreciate each little progress you make along the way.

Step 3: Look back at all the progress you have made. This is all the evidence you need to increase your self-esteem which eventually will get you to your desired outcome.

This method will help you reduce stress, guarantee results in any area of your life, and empower you to focus on the actions you can control by properly channeling your energy. I want to challenge you to share: What’s your next show up method?

Finally, I wanted to discuss with you this principle from my Master Coach Brooke Castillo: 50% of life is positive where you’ll be feeling positive emotions, and 50% of life is negative and is composed of “bad days”. Even when you reach all your goals, you will have 50/50 days, so accepting this part of life is very empowering. Just accept that we will have bad days. We learn how to allow those negative feelings to pass, as they will always pass. One thing I know for sure is that consistency and habit is the only way to sustained success.

Stay tuned for more great topics and tips that you can use in your life and business right away. If you found this post helpful today, be sure to subscribe because it will only get better from here. I cannot wait to connect with you here again next week!

Visit my website elonaloparicoaching.com where you can find more articles and resources!