Balancing Healthy Relationships starts with us
Let’s talk about how to create healthy relationships. What does it really take to be in a healthy relationship? If you have any relationship experience, then you probably know that it is very easy for a relationship to go sour, why is this? I’m in a long-term relationship for over 20 years now and I have recognized that it takes lots of investment in putting in the relationship to keep it healthy and alive.
Even for a year-long relationship, something needs to happen, and it won’t happen spontaneously. If you have one person who’s doing his thing right in life and you got this other person who’s doing their own thing in life, then where is the unity together? Almost think of it as choreographed ballet dancers, doing the opposite dance. You bring them close together and you want them to perform together. Do something together so that it’s collaborative. It’s the greater sign and they must interact and have to stay in sync. Now the longer the ballet dances last, the more opportunity for them to get out of sync. To get them to even think, start moving and mirroring each other in the right ways it requires they understand each other at certain level. Understand that they need to have a certain level of development for them to sustain the dancing relationship.
I see people with relationships both men and women, that take the whole relationship for granted. They might think that a good relationship is just something which happens naturally and think they don’t really have to work at it and think it’ll just happen.
Nothing could be further from the truth if you think you are going to build a sustainable relationship without working on it. That’s why half the world is divorced. They can’t work inherently because people don’t study on how to be successful at it. They don’t understand the psychology of relationships. They don’t understand attraction of love, sex of masculinity and femininity. They try to put something together and it fails.
It’s kind of like if I was trying to fly to the moon, I would just go and put something together. I probably would need to spend some years learning aerospace engineering and I would learn physics which is basically learning the way the planets move in orbits. I would have to spend some time studying it because it’s a complex thing and not simple. I would say it’s almost easier to fly to the moon than holding a marriage together. This is what I see people doing with relationships. They take relationships for granted and they feel like they don’t have to really work on it. They just think it will happen automatically and will come together.
So, what is a healthy relationship? let’s define that. Stephen Covey in his amazing classic “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” speaks about three types of relationships: codependent relationship, independent relationship and the interdependent relationship.
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